growing up, my dad used to call leftovers "must-go's". hence the title of this blog post today. i can't believe how much of a slacker i have been over these last few months. even after i vowed to start blogging again, i dropped the ball. anyway, it may have something to do with my lack of energy, very little patience, husband's new work schedule (which has required him to put in 12 hour days), oh and my third pregnancy (i am now 5 months along). i have had my hands full and my life stretched in too many ways to count. which, in turn, should give me lots to talk about, right? well it has, and even though they are old accounts by now... here's a list of my most memorable card catalogue of "must-go's":
1. christmas came and went. it was nice being home for a change. my parent's came out to spend it with us and the kids were thrilled about that. we told my folks about the pregnancy within days of them being here. it was a sweet moment and we were happy to be able to include them in a personal way.
2. my husband and i celebrated our 12th anniversary on december 28th. a night away from the kids and dinner at one of the finest steakhouses in town, marked the occasion. it's a weird date to celebrate because it falls right between christmas and new years, and most years we are with family. for those of you who don't know our story, that wasn't the original wedding date. in fact we've had two others. one in april and one in september of the same year. the first one we postponed due to wanting to wait until after our college graduation, and then second, well that one my husband is to blame for calling our wedding off 10 days before the date. so after lots of tears and a cross country move back to the east coast... three months later we eloped in reno nevada on december 28th. obviously... we worked out our issues.
3. my daughter is now virtually eczema-free!!!! after going through a second phase of allergy testing, we were made aware of her allergy to eggs (which was significant). so after a long, stressful battle with her skin, due to the absence of eggs in her diet, we started noticing a huge difference in her right away. it's been over two months now, and she has no problems and her scars are healing up nicely. a miracle.
4. in lieu of her skin, my daughter is now fully potty-trained! i kept putting it off because i couldn't let her run around without her pants. she would have tore into her legs and ankles too much. i was in a bind with it. but, as soon as her skin turned around, i jumped at the chance to get her out of diapers. in about a week, she was officially a "big girl".
5. some recent things my son has said to me lately have been: "mom, it's so good to have a momma in the family!"; "mom, that kiss on the cheek needs to go down into your belly for the baby."
6. speaking of my son, the biggest news with him is that he accepted Jesus into his heart! we've talked about Jesus lots over this last year. he's had questions about God and Jesus and heaven. after lessons he learned about in church things were on his mind more and more. so one morning he came into my bathroom. i was getting a quick bath, trying to ready myself before taking the kids to swimming. he started asking questions again and saying that he talked to Jesus last night. I asked him a few probing questions to see just where he was with the topic, and it lead to me leading him in a prayer to ask Jesus into his heart. it was sooo sweet. he went around the rest of the week telling everyone.
7. my husband has been working an ungodly amount of hours lately, in an effort to re-position us financially. three years ago, my husband's employer started having problems paying us and instead of getting paid every two weeks, it went to once a month, and then once every 6 to 8 weeks. his commissions started falling behind as well as reimbursement for health care coverage and expenses. for the past two years, they have jumped between owing us $60-$80,ooo. it's been very hard to make ends meet when someone else is holding on to your income source. that was a big reason why he become an IBO for Jus International. now he's been offered an opportunity to contract with them and head up business development and marketing. it's an answer to prayer for us and with a steady income and hard work, we will be back where we were three years ago... in as little as a year.
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on a more personal note, i need to vent. so here goes. most days i have no energy, i'm stressed, i'm overwhelmed, i struggle with keeping up on my chores, just to name a few. i know that i am blessed, but that perspective takes intention; something i don't seem to have much of. i survive most days. every once in a while, i feel the thrill of "thriving". i wish i felt that more. it's where i am in life. i have a son who is about to turn 5, a daughter who is two and one on the way. i'm right at the point in life where it's hard to keep the floor clean, the laundry caught up, and my hair brushed. and if by chance, i do the above, then it's on those days where my children challenge me the most. i feel like i am disciplining all day and getting no where. i am "that" mom who is walking her children into the bathroom or out of the store, them screaming and kicking, me privately trying to get the situation under control. make no mistake, there's nothing private about it.
i would love a stretch of time with them where i can be the happy-skipping-laughing-carefree-every day is a memory-mom. just one stretch. today was especially hard. i spent time in the tub crying because i could see what the day was going to require of me. i have to remind myself to enjoy these years, but i still can't seem to break out of "surviving" them. if you ask me it's an oxymoron anyway. the only ones enjoying them are the ones who are already through "it". i'm realizing that hindsight has a silent step-sister. one who goes by the name of "amnesia".
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life is good, but life is hard. somewhere right in the middle of that statement is where you can find me.
